This year for the holidays my family traded in our Santa hats and awful Christmas sweaters for bathing suits and flip flops and went to Mexico for Christmas.
For four days, I laid in the sun dosed in tanning lotion, swam in the ocean and did not check my email once.
I did, however, check my Facebook so I could post status updates reminding my 614 friends that while most of them were in the cold and rain, I was on the beach drinking margaritas.
I really rubbed it in people's faces by posting photos like this:
It was my family's first non-Christmas, and it was amazing. There was no shopping, no gifts, and no post-holiday credit card bill that annually propels me into depression.
I spent most of Christmas morning in my leopard-print bakini listening to Anne Murray's Christmas album. We even had a Christmas party but instead of Christmas
trees, terrible sweaters and spike eggnog, we had salsa, tequila and
dancing to Gangnam Style.
Here were some of the other highlights:
• Mama Bear trotted out of her bedroom Christmas morning with an armful of presents for her three daughters (ages 18, 19 and 23) shouting, "Can you believe Santa came?!"
• I accidentally locked myself in the bathroom of a bar that sold 300 different types of tequila. An employee had to shout instructions through the door on how to unlock it. The whole ordeal took a few minutes to resolve, and my family laughed themselves silly when they found out about it.
• Mama Bear did an interpretive dance in a bar to weird tic-toc techno music. In front of a group of strangers.
• Because we were staying in a surfing town, an alarming amount of the men had one reaaaaally long dread that they could literally tuck it into their butt crack if they wanted.
• I told my parents that if they insisted on singing Christmas carols I was going to need a margarita (or four) and would use the noise of the blender to drown their caroling out. (They continued to sing, and I continued to drink.)
• Mama Bear accidentally broke a full bottle of tequila during our Christmas party, which made the whole room smell like a nasty hangover.
• I went Boogie boarding for the first time, which left sand in unexpected places and let me pretend I was in "Blue Crush," which is a movie that all white girls want to be in.
My sisters and I also posed for obnoxious photos like this where we just pretended we were about to go boogie boarding.
Boogie boarding also resulted in the waves pushing and pulling my swim off, exposing my snow-white butt that most likely glowed in the sunlight to a group of underaged Mexican boys.
Overall, it was a very short, but much needed, vacation.
In other news, Happy New Year from the crazy Schendel fam bam: