Dear Human Mom,
I'd like to point out that because it's Mother's Day, I let you sleep in an extra hour and half (until 9 AM!) before I sat on you and licked your face to remind you that I needed to pee and was hungry.
Also, I hid your mother's day present somewhere in the house. (Hint: it's behind the couch and looks and smells like yesterday's dinner.)
But really though, you should be appreciating me on this day, not the other way around. Nevermind the fact my dog hair gets everywhere, or that I can't pick up my own poop, my presence in your life has greatly improved it.
For example, if it weren't for me eating half your belongings every time you don't take me on a lengthy walk, you'd probably be fat. (You're welcome.)
I know you often complain about how expensive my organic, gluten-free, Rachel-Ray brand dog food is, but on the bright side, at least I will never be a teenager or need a college education ($$$$!).